Hold on to Love Read online

  As they passed by the barn she’d seen four tiny, black and white fur balls surrounding a Border Collie, and she stopped to look at them.

  Mrs. Maclaine nodded and got closer to them, beckoning Alyssa to follow her.

  “Trix, one of our two working dogs, had puppies a couple of months ago.”

  The puppies yapped while they played with one another, biting ears and pulling tails. Alyssa couldn’t help laughing at the scene that made her heart melt. She wanted one of those—no, she wanted all of them.

  “We breed Border Collies; they’re great working dogs and people around the state are very fond of them.” Mrs. Maclaine picked one up by the scruff of its neck and brought it close to her face. The puppy licked her nose and Mrs. Maclaine giggled like a girl. “Although it’s pretty hard to see them go when people come to get them. Tammy and I always get attached to every single one of them, and obviously the men make fun of us.”

  “They’re so cute; I’d be heartbroken to watch them leave,” Alyssa said, scratching the little soft head of the puppy in Mrs. Maclaine’s arms. The puppy yelped and Alyssa could swear it had smiled at her, as ridiculous at it sounded.

  “Wanna take one of them with you?” Mr. Maclaine reached them and smiled at Alyssa. Although he was always rather introverted, he was such a nice man and so very kind to her that Alyssa couldn’t help wondering whether Sean had been adopted. “They’re good company, even if you don’t have sheep; they’re great guard dogs.”

  Alyssa let out a sigh. “I wish I could; they’re so adorable,” she said, taking the puppy Mrs. Maclaine was handing her. It was soft and cute, and she contemplated actually taking Mr. Maclaine up on his offer and bringing one home. Living in a city had never seemed so awful to her before she’d come to Wind Creek; now, all she could think of was how nice it would be to live in the countryside where she could be free to have all sorts of pets. “I guess he would have a hard time living in an apartment on the fourteenth floor, and being alone all day.”

  “Perks of country life,” Mrs. Maclaine said, with a wink. Alyssa smiled and nodded, scratched the puppy’s soft fur one last time and put it back down with its siblings. “I don’t think I’d ever be able to live in a city; when we go visit my sister and her family in Cheyenne I always look forward to coming home. Sure, they have all amenities and don’t have to drive for miles to get the most basic things, but I wouldn’t change my life with hers for anything.” She shrugged and smiled; Alyssa noticed her husband stared at her with admiration and the kind of love she only saw in romantic movies. Her parents had never looked at each other that way, even though she knew they were in love—in their own way.

  “I know how you feel. This town is lovely; I’ve been here only a few days, but I’m already feeling much better. More relaxed and . . . carefree.”

  Mrs. Maclaine nodded. “I said you would, didn’t I? It’s the mountain air, clean and crisp. Why don’t we go back inside now? I was planning on baking a pear and cinnamon pie—Jonah’s favorite,” she said with a wink, and her husband laughed.

  “Guilty,” he said, tilting his head to the side and raising his hands.

  Alyssa couldn’t help thinking how cute they were, still acting like love-struck teenagers even after a lifetime together. Their children had been lucky to grow up with such loving parents.

  ***

  After helping Mrs. Maclaine bake the pie, Alyssa spent the rest of the morning hovering in the kitchen, chatting with her and learning new recipes. Once lunch was over, she went back to her room, picked up her book and sat in the rocker on the back porch; she loved that spot and had claimed it as her own since there was nobody else around.

  She was halfway through her third chapter when Tammy stormed out onto the porch.

  “Hey, I heard you saw the puppies this morning. You have got to see our kittens, too. They were born a few weeks ago, and they’re really cute.”

  Alyssa smiled. She loved Tammy’s bubbly personality. It was refreshing and invigorating; it made her feel young and carefree again. She left the book on the rocker and followed Tammy into the barn.

  As soon as she saw the kittens, Alyssa felt her heart melt and memories came back to mind, bringing with them a sense of loneliness and sadness.

  She knelt down and picked up the only black kitten among all its black-and-white siblings, while Tammy picked up two of the others; the feeling of déjà vu hit her hard, making tears well up in her eyes.

  “The black one’s my favorite, too. He’s a rascal, though.” Tammy looked up at her and she frowned. “Are you okay?”

  Alyssa swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded while a tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m fine, don’t worry. This kitten brought back some old memories, that’s all.”

  “I suppose they aren’t nice memories, if they made you cry.”

  Alyssa brought the kitten close to her face and it licked her cheek, making her giggle. Another déjà vu and another stab to her heart.

  “I had a kitten exactly like this when I was twelve. I found it in the street; it was lost or maybe someone had abandoned him, I never knew.” She looked at the kitten and smiled. “My grandma and I were walking home from the park and we found him meowing behind a trash bin. We picked him up and brought him home. My grandpa had just died, so my grandma had moved in with us and it was the only reason why I brought him home, because I knew that she would stand up for me when my mother found out. My mother never really liked pets; I was never even allowed to have a goldfish.”

  Tammy made a face, and put down one of the kittens that had become a bit too lively.

  “How can someone not love pets? I don’t think I’ll ever understand that. Ever.”

  Alyssa shrugged and scratched the kitten’s head, wondering how anyone could not love a cute little fur ball like that. “Anyway, we washed him and fed him, and I spent the afternoon playing with him.”

  “What did you name it?”

  “Muddy.” Alyssa smiled, remembering every single moment of that special day as if it had just happened. “Because when we found him, he was covered in mud, and we didn’t know his fur was black until we put him in the bathtub and washed all the mud off.”

  Tammy giggled. “So did your mom let you keep it?”

  Alyssa sighed, feeling the lump in her throat coming back. “When she came back that night and saw him, she went ballistic. She said there was no way ‘that thing’ would ever live in her house, and that if we didn’t take him away, she would throw him out of the window. We were living on the twelfth floor.”

  “That was awful. How could she even think of something so terrible? He was only a kitten!”

  “I know. That’s why my grandma and I took him to the pound the following morning, to save him from my mother. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life. I think I cried myself to sleep every night for weeks.” She sighed again and brushed the kitten’s snout with her nose, smiling as he licked it. “I hadn’t thought of this in years, but I guess this cute little thing brought back all the memories. Didn’t you, sweetie?”

  The kitten meowed in response, and she put him down back with the other kittens. When she looked up, she saw Sean standing by the door staring at her, but he immediately looked away.

  “Hey Sean,” Tammy said with a smile. He mumbled something about needing some tools and walked away from them, fumbling in a toolbox on the opposite side of the barn.

  Alyssa felt uneasy seeing the way he acted and how he hadn’t spoken to her or looked at her, as if she weren’t there at all. She never felt at ease when he was around, and this time it was no different.

  “Why don’t we go out and feed the cows? It’s fun, if you don’t mind them licking your hands,” Tammy suggested a little too flippantly, Alyssa noticed. Nevertheless, Alyssa nodded and followed Tammy outside, where the cows were grazing.

  ***

  “Do you have any siblings?” Tammy asked her out of the blue, while they were handing long straws of hay to the cows behind the fe
nce.

  “I have a younger brother, Derek; he’s in Yale, studying law.” Alyssa giggled when the cow licked her finger. Her mother would’ve been grossed out but she thought it was funny. “We’re not close, though. Our family isn’t a very tight-knit one, not really like yours. They’re all too busy living their important lives to act like a family.”

  Tammy’s face fell, and she flung herself at Alyssa, hugging her tight. Alyssa staggered at the unexpected display of affection, but then she hugged her back, smiling.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry or to make you feel sad. Mom says I should learn to hold my tongue, and I think she’s got a point.”

  Alyssa let go of her, and shook her head. “Don’t worry, you didn’t say anything wrong. I’ve grown used to being alone now; my grandmother was the only person who was never too busy to spend some time with me, but after she died I learned that sometimes I’m better off alone than with my family.”

  “I can’t imagine what it feels like,” Tammy said, jumping up on the wooden fence. “I couldn’t imagine having to live without my parents or my siblings. I mean, I could easily live without Nick; the house is so much better since he’s gone to college, but without Sean . . . I don’t know, I think it would feel very lonely.”

  Alyssa looked at her. She knew a few girls Tammy’s age in New York, daughters of judges or attorneys her mother knew, and Tammy was nothing like them. She wore no makeup, no fancy clothes, although she seemed to be very careful when matching colors and accessories, and she seemed to know what the important things in life really were.

  She was sure Tammy would do great in life, unlike most of the girls she knew in her circle of acquaintances who would most probably end up in rehab, or marrying some rich man who would pay for the beauty farm and the Botox. Tammy would be a great woman one day, because she had grown up with principles, strong bonds that would get her going through the good and bad times in life. She would never consider jumping off the thirty-fourth floor of a New York building.

  She shivered just at the thought of what she had been about to do.

  “You are very lucky; you have a beautiful family. Friends will come and go, people will ditch you, but your family will always be there for you, no matter what; that’s what my grandma used to tell me.” She shrugged, smiling sadly. “Although I’m not sure it will really work for me.”

  “I could be your adoptive sister, if you want,” Tammy said, with a big grin on her face. “You can call me any time you feel lonely or sad, and I’ll say something stupid that will make you laugh.”

  Alyssa laughed. “That sounds like a great idea, you know.”

  “It’s a deal, then. Gimme the paw!”

  Alyssa high-fived Tammy, thinking how odd it was that she should fly to Wyoming to get away from her life, and end up temporarily living a new life she actually enjoyed more than her real one. Her vacation was turning out better than she had expected; if only Sean stopped being so awful to her, it would be even nicer.

  “Have you ever been to a fashion show?” Tammy asked then, changing the subject. Alyssa nodded and Tammy’s face lit up with excitement. “What was it like?”

  “It’s not all glitter and gold, you know. You might think that the fashion business is a sort of wonderland, but it’s actually a pool filled with sharks. I have a friend who works in the business and she’s been able to survive because she’s a tough woman, but she still finds it hard at times. A sweet innocent girl like you wouldn’t last long; you’d be like a lamb in a pack of wolves.”

  Tammy’s face fell, and Alyssa knew she had just been responsible for shattering all of her dreams.

  “I know I have absolutely no right to say these things, but what I’m saying is that if you were my sister, I wouldn’t want you to work in the business, knowing what goes on behind the curtains when the lights go out.”

  Alyssa put her arm around Tammy’s shoulders, and the young girl let out a sigh, resting her head on Alyssa’s shoulder.

  “I guess my mom would be happy to hear you say those things. Nobody in the family understands my dream; they all say I should stop fantasizing about things I could never have. I suppose growing up in Wind Creek wouldn’t open many doors, after all.”

  “You have all the rights to dream and think big, no matter where you grow up. Dreams are good; they keep us alive, but sometimes what we dream of can be very different from reality, and disappointment hurts pretty bad. You’re a smart girl; you’ll find your way eventually.”

  Tammy hugged her again, taking her by surprise, and Alyssa felt overwhelmed. She hoped Tammy would follow her advice, and keep well away from that world. But it wasn’t up to her to decide; it was none of her business, after all. Tammy already had a family who took care of her. She didn’t need a stranger to tell her what she should or should not do.

  ***

  Sean hadn’t meant to be eavesdropping again after he’d been caught in the barn only a few minutes before, but seeing that girl spend so much time with his little sister worried him. After Tammy forgot her childhood dream of becoming a vet and discovered the world of fashion, he hadn’t been able to sleep peacefully. Now that this girl was here, he was scared she’d have a bad influence on her; ever since she had gotten there, with her expensive bag and clothes, Tammy had stuck to her side, spending all of her free time after school with her, and he knew this wasn’t good.

  He didn’t want their guest to put silly ideas in his little sister’s head, as she would only get disappointed and heartbroken once she found out her dreams would never come true. Because, what chances did a country girl have of making it in the fashion business? She had always been a beautiful girl, and she was now slowly turning into a beautiful young woman, with long slender legs and curly dark-blonde hair; he was scared she’d start getting ideas about wanting to become a model, and would stop eating and ruin her life.

  He knew Tammy was beautiful and determined enough to make it, if only she met the right people; he feared that girl could know someone in the business, and would suggest she put her in contact with some New York agent who’d make a model out of his little sister.

  No, he definitely wouldn’t let anyone steal his Tammy away from her family; he would always protect her from that hideous world. He wouldn’t let her become one of those sad and skinny girls he had seen on TV; he wouldn’t let his sister risk her own life just to be on the cover of a fashion magazine.

  So he had walked closer to the horses’ fence, which was close enough to where Tammy and their guest were standing and, since they had their backs to him, they didn’t notice him while he was pretending to brush a horse’s mane, listening to them.

  He hadn’t expected to hear Miss O’Riordan say such wise things to Tammy, though; he had almost felt disappointed. He had somehow thought she would give her advice on how to become a famous model or give her some special diet, and he would have had another excuse to dislike her.

  When he heard what she told Tammy and the way she’d said it, he’d felt a knot form in his stomach and he quickly walked away back to the barn before they could see him. He realized his mother was totally right: he had too many prejudices. Ever since that girl got to the ranch, he had started to become paranoid. He didn’t like it in the least.

  There was something about Miss O’Riordan that brought out the worst in him, and he couldn’t wait for her to leave and go back to her shiny little world coated in gold.

  Chapter Twelve

  Sean didn’t like Tammy to be so close to their guest. He knew this would do her no good; no matter what he’d heard the other day, he would not let some posh city girl ruin his sister’s life—simple as that.

  So, a couple of days after he realized how close Tammy and their guest had become, he decided it was time to put an end to it before it would be too late.

  He waited for Tammy at the bus stop, knowing that they still had a mile walk to get home and that they would have enough time to talk about it without anyone hearing.

  Wh
en Tammy got off the bus and saw him, she looked at him with a bewildered but also worried expression.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked, with a frown on her face. Sean hardly ever went to the bus stop to pick her up now that she was in high school.

  “There’s nothing wrong, you silly. I simply wanted to walk with you; why, is that a problem?”

  He smiled, but he knew Tammy wasn’t fooled. Ever since that woman had arrived he had gone back to the person he had been when Bethany had broken his heart. He had shut up like a clam and had been trying to stay away from her as much as possible; he’d tried to be inconspicuous, but apparently Tammy, just like his mother, knew him too well.

  “Spit it out, Sean. Why are you here?” she asked, stopping mid-stride and looking at him with her arms folded across her chest.

  “Okay, I wanted to talk to you. Alone,” he said, tucking his hands in his pockets. “It’s . . . about our guest.”

  “Alyssa,” she corrected him; he hardly ever called her anything but “our guest” or “that girl” and, when he didn’t, he used her surname.

  “Yeah, whatever.” He shrugged, thinking of the right words to say. He didn’t want to sound like he was lecturing her, as he knew it wouldn’t work with Tammy; he should be the caring big brother he had always been, trying to make her understand that what he was saying was just for her own good and that he only wanted to protect her because he loved her.

  “Don’t whatever at me, Sean! That’s just her name. Why can’t you ever say it?” she asked in an annoyed tone, resuming the walk, only much faster than before.

  Seeing her reaction, Sean thought he might not have chosen the right day to talk to her; something must have happened at school, and he should probably leave it for another day, but it was too late now.

  “Yes, Alyssa, sorry,” he said, calmly, falling into step with his sister. “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with her. I think maybe you should leave her alone for a while; I mean, she’s on holiday after all, and maybe she wants to relax and enjoy her time off.”