Hold on to Love Read online

He saddled his horse and reassured his mother who was already panicking, probably thinking the same thing he had.

  He was so mad. He knew he’d probably make a scene when he finally found her—if he found her. What did that girl have in her mind? Why couldn’t she just go for a walk in the fields around the ranch or relax on the porch? But, most of all, why couldn’t she have simply gone to those posh resorts rich people were so used to and spent her days by a pool, sipping a cocktail and flirting with the staff?

  He decided to follow the path first, looking for hoof-prints which he easily spotted in the dirt. He crossed the stream and pressed on, careful not to lose the track. He wasn’t sure which way to go when he reached two diverging paths, but then he thought he could hear a horse neighing, and he followed the sound, getting to the meadow where he used to go to play with his brothers.

  And there she was, lying in the grass, partially in the shade of the trees. His first thought was that she had fallen off the horse and that she was either badly injured or dead, so he jumped off the horse and ran toward her. He knelt down to check she was still alive and, when he grabbed her by the arms to lift her up and take her back, she opened her eyes with a start and they both flinched.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she screamed, leaving him speechless for a moment, just the time it took him to realize that she was perfectly fine and he had worried so much about nothing at all.

  He let go of her and sat back on his haunches.

  “What the hell are you doing out here? I thought I’d told you to stay close! You gave us such a fright, I thought you’d got yourself killed or something!”

  “Aww, come on, relax. I’m not stupid, I perfectly knew how to come back.” She rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “I always followed the path, like you told me; besides, the horse seemed to know exactly where we were going, so it would surely know how to come back, too.”

  She shrugged, as if to say he was making so much fuss out of nothing. This made the fright he’d felt up until a minute ago turn into rage within a split second.

  “Then why didn’t you come back for lunch like you’d said? You can’t just go out on your own and think we won’t get worried if you don’t come back! You’re lucky my mother didn’t call the national security or the army to come looking for you. Did it ever cross your mind that we were waiting for you?”

  The expression on her face showed she had no idea what he was talking about and for just a second he wondered if he might have overreacted. After all, she was safe and sound, nothing bad had happened and they wouldn’t get sued for anything, so he didn’t have to worry anymore. But he couldn’t help himself, he just couldn’t; somebody had to put her back in her place. Somebody had to show her that having money didn’t mean she could necessarily treat everyone else as if they were her servants.

  ***

  Alyssa checked her watch and her face fell: it was past one o’clock. She had been away almost four hours and she’d slept nearly the entire time. No wonder they were all so worried about her disappearance.

  How had it happened? She hadn’t slept so soundly in ages. She couldn’t believe she had been able to snooze so long without waking up and noticing it was time to go back.

  She felt terribly sorry for causing so much trouble. She’d have to make sure to apologize profusely to Mrs. Maclaine as soon as she got back to the ranch.

  “I’m sorry, I guess I fell asleep and didn’t realize it was so late . . .”

  “If you wanted to take a nap you could have done so in your room or in the backyard. You really didn’t need to come out here and have us all worried about what might have happened to you.” He cut her off, curtly. “But no, of course Miss City Girl had to have it her way, or she wouldn’t be happy. Because that’s what you’re used to, isn’t it? Daddy always gives you what you want, so you think that everyone else will do the same, no matter what.”

  Even though they were both on the ground his sturdy bulk towered over her, making Alyssa want to shrink back against the tree trunk behind her. She wished it would actually swallow her inside its safe refuge and protect her from his outburst.

  Tears stung the back of her eyes, but she refused to let them spill. She didn’t know what else to say to apologize and his tone was so harsh she thought she was either going to start screaming or kick him hard in the shins.

  What right did he have to say those things to her when she’d made it clear she was sorry?

  “What’s wrong with you?” she shouted, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation, having had enough of his attitude. “I said I was sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose. Why do you have to be so callous now?”

  She stood up with a swift movement, and he followed suit.

  “Your riches don’t necessarily make you better than me,” he said, adjusting his hat on his head. His eyes were ice slits, staring at her from underneath the brim of his cowboy hat. “And the fact I’m a country mean doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”

  “I never said I’m better than you. Yes, I come from money, so what? It’s not my fault.” Alyssa said, feeling insulted.

  “It is if you look down on people who don’t belong to your happy little world, and treat everyone else as if they should be at your service, satisfying all of your whims, just because you can afford it.”

  “I don’t!” she yelled, exasperated from all this nonsense. “I’m not that kind of person at all. And what right do you have to say these things anyway, when you barely even know me?”

  He shrugged, and walked back toward the horses that were still grazing peacefully.

  “It’s none of my business, anyway. I just don’t know what you expected when you came here; this isn’t one of those nice five-star hotels with a spa and a swimming pool you’re probably so used to.”

  “You think I didn’t know? I came here on purpose because I was tired of all that. I know it’s hard for you to understand my point of view but . . . damn! Money doesn’t necessarily mean happiness.”

  She sighed, and he turned back to look at her. The expression on his face suddenly changed, and his jaw relaxed as he looked at her with something resembling guilt in his eyes. Maybe he was sorry for yelling at her now, but it didn’t matter anymore. She wasn’t going to take anything back.

  “Let’s go now. Your family will probably be getting worried. I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have.”

  She untangled the reins of her horse from the branch, mounted and moved away from him as quickly as she could—but it didn’t seem quick enough.

  ***

  Neither of them said a word on the way back, and they kept at a safe distance from each other to prevent even just their boots from accidentally grazing. While trotting ahead of her Sean was still fuming, although anger was slowly giving way to another feeling he couldn’t quite name. Although he was still angry at her, the image of how sorry and ashamed she’d looked when she’d realized how long she’d been away flashed in his head, and he felt awful for the way he had reacted. He should’ve waited and calmed down a little before starting to yell at her like that, saying awful things he was never going to be able to take back.

  He couldn’t understand why he’d behaved so harshly; after all, she’d said she was sorry and she’d really looked like she’d meant it. He would’ve never behaved like that with any of the other guests, because it just wasn’t who he was. But when it came to her, everything changed; he turned into a different person, just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and, if he had to be honest, her only fault was that she reminded him of Bethany, and this instinctively brought out the worst part of him.

  He promised himself then and there he would stay as far away as possible from her until she’d gone home to avoid any more fights. They didn’t need bad publicity and she was surely a very influential person among her likes, so he’d have to hold his tongue if he didn’t want to spoil it all. Guests were their main source of income and if they lost that he doubted they’d be able to survive only
by selling their produces.

  When they got home his mother was on the porch, and when she saw them she exhaled with relief and ran in their direction, stopping by Alyssa to make sure she was all right.

  “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Maclaine,” she said, before his mother could say anything. “I lost track of time; I was in this beautiful meadow, and it was so peaceful and nice that I fell asleep without realizing. I’m really sorry I had you all worried.”

  His mother smiled and patted Alyssa’s hand. “Don’t worry, dear. As long as you’re fine, nothing matters now. Sean, please take her horse so she can come in and have lunch.”

  Alyssa turned toward him, and Sean noticed she looked a little less livid, but she avoided eye contact. He nodded, and as soon as she got off he grabbed the reins and led the horse toward the stables.

  When he walked into the kitchen, she wasn’t there, and he hoped she’d decided to skip lunch or have a sandwich in her room so he wouldn’t have to be around her again.

  “Oh, good, there you are.” Tammy smiled when he walked in. She was sitting at the table, already halfway through lunch. “So, you rescued her, huh? Did she get lost like that couple from Philly?”

  The last thing he wanted was to talk about her, but after his conversation with Tammy in the woods he knew better than to speak badly of Alyssa. He shrugged, and took his seat in front of his sister.

  “She fell asleep in the meadow across the stream. When I spotted her I thought she was dead; I think I lost ten years of my life then, thinking her lawyers would take the ranch from us as indemnity.”

  Tammy giggled and popped a French fry into her mouth.

  When they heard steps approaching the kitchen, he looked down at his plate, poking at his steak like a kid while Tammy looked up with a grin.

  “Hi Sleeping Beauty,” she said through a mouthful of food. Alyssa let out a soft laugh, and took the seat next to Tammy.

  “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble.” Alyssa smiled apologetically. Tammy shook her head and patted Alyssa’s hand reassuringly.

  “Don’t worry; you’re not the first one we’ve had to rescue.” She winked, and when his father finally sat at the table they all ate in silence for a while.

  Sean didn’t speak much, but Tammy was very glad to fill the silence, so nobody noticed anything different. He found himself wondering whether he should apologize to Alyssa for the way he had treated her, and the harsh words he had spoken, but he pushed the thought away. She needed to understand she couldn’t do everything she wanted without thinking of the consequences just because she was a paying guest.

  He ate quickly, then said he had something to do and left, needing to put distance between them. Tammy would surely keep her company; the less he was around, the better.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Three days passed after that awful fight. Although at first she’d contemplated leaving and finding another place where she could spend the rest of her holiday in peace, after spending the afternoon with Tammy she’d realized she wouldn’t be able to go anywhere.

  She wasn’t going to let that stupid guy spoil her holiday. That young girl warmed her heart, and she loved spending time with her. Alyssa knew that if she left now not only would she look rude, she would also hurt Tammy, and that was the last thing she wanted. She wasn’t going to run away and show Sean he was right. She would do her best to avoid him and enjoy the rest of her holiday without his company.

  The following three days she spent more time with Mrs. Maclaine, learning new cooking tricks, tending the chickens and feeding the puppies and kittens. Although it was interesting and fun, it felt awful to be away from the horses and the other animals, since they were the main reason she had picked the Maclaines’ place over the other ranches in the area.

  When she woke up on the fourth morning after the fight, Alyssa remembered that it was the day Mr. and Mrs. Maclaine would be away to take care of some business in the city. Since Tammy was at school, Alyssa knew that she would not be able to avoid talking to Sean if she didn’t want to spend the whole day in her room boring herself to death.

  She pondered the thought of spending the day in bed to be sure she wouldn’t have to see him, but after lying half an hour under the quilt with the sunrays coming in from under the heavy curtains, she realized she’d never be able to do it—not even if the other option was another fight with Sean.

  She indulged in a very long shower and took her time getting dressed and having breakfast, hoping it would soon be time for Tammy to be back. Even so, the afternoon seemed ages away and she knew she couldn’t delay it any longer. If she didn’t want to waste the day moping around the house she’d have to put on her big girl panties and go talk to Sean.

  She opened her window and shivered at the chilly air that caused goose bumps to spread over her arms. She put on a sweater and went out, stopping on the front porch to check if Sean was around. He was nowhere to be seen and, since the horses were already grazing inside their fence, she thought she might go there first and spend some time with them while she waited for Sean to show up. She didn’t really want to look for him, as she was quite certain he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her either. She would give him half an hour; if she saw him around by then, she’d be civil and talk to him politely, but right now she didn’t feel like purposely searching the ranch for him. She didn’t want to seem too eager to spend time with him.

  She stopped by the fence and the white-and-brown horse trotted toward her, nudging her shoulder with its snout when it reached her.

  “Hi there. You remember me, don’t you? Of course you do; you’re a good horse, aren’t you?”

  She moved her hand away, and the horse moved its head toward her, wanting more cuddles.

  “And you like cuddles,” she said, laughing, and stroking its cheekbone. “I’m sorry I don’t have any treats for you, sweetie . . .”

  She took its head with both hands and rested her forehead against its snout. It was a weird feeling; it almost seemed like the horse was going to start talking to her at any minute. She felt a connection she had never felt before and this only reinforced the feeling that had been squeezing at her heart since she’d arrived: back in New York she just wasn’t living the life she was meant to be living.

  ***

  Sean finished cleaning the stables and stopped to wipe his face with a towel he kept on the rack next to the door. His parents had left early that morning, and he’d had to do his father’s share of work so it had taken twice the time to do what normally would take an hour at the most.

  He still had to check on Rosie, their pregnant cow that, according to his father, should be delivering any day now. He took off his rubber gloves and placed them inside the back pocket of his jeans, feeling it was about time for a break and a glass of ice tea.

  He walked out of the stables and froze when he saw their guest close to the horses’ fence; he hadn’t thought of her all morning, busy as he had been, but he realized then they were the only two people left at the ranch, and he would have to talk to her sooner or later. She was a paying guest, and, at least for today, he’d have to play the good host. His parents had taught him good manners, and he’d always been a kind person to everyone.

  When she heard his boots crunching on the gravel as he approached her, she turned back.

  He’d expected her to turn away and leave as soon as he came near the fence, but she was probably trying to be nice to him because she was well-mannered and knew how to behave, whereas he was only a stupid and rough countryman who couldn’t get over a heartbreak, and had to blame the whole world for it.

  “Hi,” she said with a kind smile, making him feel slightly uneasy.

  He cleared his throat and scratched his chin, avoiding her gaze. After the fight they’d had three days before, they’d barely spoken to each other; he had actually noticed she’d tried to stay away from him, finding herself any other occupation, so long as it didn’t involve being around him.

  But there she was now, s
miling at him as if nothing had ever happened. It made him feel even worse, and he wondered if she was acting so nicely because she wanted to play the part of the adult between the two of them. When he’d told his mother what had happened, she’d scolded him for acting like a child, and said that he should get over it. He couldn’t keep blaming Alyssa for what had happened between him and Bethany.

  As usual, his mother had been right. He was still keeping a grudge over something as stupid as falling asleep in a field; had it happened to another guest, he surely wouldn’t have reacted like he had. He was surprised she had gotten over it faster than he had.

  “Hi,” he mumbled, looking away, and trying to think of something smart to say. “I’m sorry, I totally forgot about you—” He stopped short, realizing how awful it must have sounded. “Um . . . what I meant is I’ve been busy doing my father’s share of work and I didn’t realize you were probably getting bored, with nobody to talk to or nothing to do . . .”

  “No problem,” she cut him off gently and he saw the hint of a smirk on her face, as if she’d found what he had said—or rather, how he had said it—quite funny, but was too polite to laugh in his face. “I knew your parents would be away, so I slept in and took my time with breakfast.”

  “Is there anything you’d like to do? Maybe you want me to drive you into town? I don’t know if you’ll find anything interesting there, but if you want I can—”

  “It’s okay,” she cut him off again, shrugging. “There’s no need for you to leave what you’re doing to look after me. If it’s okay with you, I’ll just hover while you carry out your work; I promise I won’t interfere, I’ll simply watch. This way you can be sure I won’t get myself into trouble again.”

  He scrutinized her face, trying to read her expression and find some sort of catch. She seemed genuine and not at all bothered by what had happened though, so he let himself relax. He honestly wasn’t looking forward to having her around while he was working, but there was nothing else he could do. He was alone there, and he couldn’t simply tell her to get lost and leave him alone. He had to be nice to her and hope his parents would be home soon, or that she’d get bored and go back to her room.